I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
