I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
where are you?
Hypothermia
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
