I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Less talking, more tequila
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize