I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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