Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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