oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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