I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
