we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
