My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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