I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
