i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
