Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Houston, we have a squirter
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
