someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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