If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
