Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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