Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
