I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
