Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
