Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
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