doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
