Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
