my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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