Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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