the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
