This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
