I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
