I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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