Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
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Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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