I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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