Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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