That's when you crack a 10am beer
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
