gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
