i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
