god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
