I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
