its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
