How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
