Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
