If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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