dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
