Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
