i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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