no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
