last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
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It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
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be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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