I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
