OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
