he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
