I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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