My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You left your phone here
Wait...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
