I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
last night I used snow as a chaser
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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