did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
