Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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