Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
