you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
