i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
