The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
