You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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