also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
