I smell stomach acid.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Everclear isn't food dammit
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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