i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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