we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
