New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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